Me, My Girlfriend, and the Mormon Missionaries

Over the past couple of months my girlfriend and I have had a pair of young Mormon gentlemen knock on our door rather frequently. While most of us are jumping out of sight and tip-toeing away not to be detected by the visitors with the white shirts, black ties and big smiles, my girlfriend is the opposite. She opens the doors, steps outside and hears them out. The first time it was accidental, but now it's a biweekly event which turns into great stories. The most recent visit has been the most rewarding. I am happy to say that we are now the proud owners of "The Book of Mormon"! I know, you're jealous, just think of how useful this great piece of literature will be. So far, it's been a great conversation piece which allows me to explain to all of my friends how some Mormon guys are in love with my girlfriend. Also, due to the fact that it is a pretty substantially sized with lots of pages, it will be great to use as a paperweight, emergency fire starter or even as a weapon that I could throw at intruders (my aim is impeccable). I digress. The most valuable aspect of these visits so far has come from a small comment that was made about how we are not happy with our current lawn services (Jose's Gardening Services). Our Mormon Missionary friends informed my girlfriend that they are supposed to be helping the community so if we need them to come rake leaves or mow the lawn they will be more than happy to do so. Now we're talkin'. You're telling me that instead of overpaying Jose (his name is really Jose, I'm not being racist) I can have these happy-go-lucky, Joseph Smith loving, LDS fanatics do my yard for free? This is going to be fantastic!

Not our actual Mormons (but I'll try to get a picture with them)

I'm waiting for the day that I build up the courage to ask them about their special Mormon underwear.

Mormon underwear

I will be posting about our encounters with our Mormon Missionaries whenever they come to visit.

Jesus Freak of the Week #3

Well Jesus Christ, what do we have here? I don't even know where to start. As a disclaimer, Taco Bell wants to have no part in this statement, as you can see they are ducking out of the picture in the background. This says a lot considering they have no shame and had a talking chihuahua mascot for a while. Now lets tackle this "JESUS CHRIST IS LORD" statement. FALSE... That was simple. Then we all see that this witty redneck also included "not a swear word" on the side of his vehicle/businesshome. I would have to agree with you sir, however I don't agree with your cutoff shirt, old trucker hat and hula girl on the dashboard. "Jesus Christ" is not a swear word, it's perfectly acceptable to say in numerous situations. However, you can spice it up by adding words in the middle of "Jesus" and "Christ" which then may classify the statement as a "swear word." Here are some examples of ways to use this great exclamation: Jesus Christ (the classic), Jesus Fucking Christ (super spicy), Jesus jumped up Christ (not used enough in my opinion), and Jesus H. Christ (if you want to keep it old school). So many different ways to say one guy's name in order to express your disgust or surprise... Thanks Jesus, you gave us something useful.

Jesus Freak of the Week #2

So here we have a lovely sign. This Hunchback of Notre-Dame descendent needs some knee pads because he's going to be down there for a while before he get's a reply to his KNEE-MAIL. Can you imagine? I get emails every day and don't bother to look at most of them, I only open the important ones from friends, family and work. So who's to say JESUS is going to open your KNEE-MAIL? You're probably going straight to SPAM while he's laughing at the Always Sunny in Philadelphia episode that his friend the Easter Bunny sent him (illegally) and RSVPing to the Christmas party at the North Pole. Now let's get to the meat of this little gem. Take a glance at the text "TRY AN KNEE-MAIL" I wasn't an English major and I'll admit that I commit the grammatical mistake here and there, but my 7 year old self knew better than to put "AN" in front of a word starting with  "K". Come on people, sure you can make a typo, but if you're going to blow it up and post it up for people to see, maybe we should use spell check or have your mom look it over. If you're lost, check out http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/540/01/ for the proper use of A and AN. Oh Jesus, you're AN great guy.

Gaudy/Gody Clothing

Faithbook? Really? That just sounds like you have an exceptionally bad lisp. And no, I will not add Jesus as a friend, if he really wants to get to know me, maybe he should add me. He could "poke" me a few times, maybe send me some gifts on Farmville and we can see where this relationship goes. This is when we all wish Facebook had a "dislike" option. I wonder what his relationship status is like. Interested in: men, women and impressionable children? He's probably single, or maybe "Its complicated with: 2.1 billion." 

Well this shirt is just not true. Now watch how I use some simple logic to prove this shirt wrong. Your shirt says "ONLY GOD can judge me" (nice use of more than one exclamation mark, it really gets your point across!!). Well, sorry to burst your big happy bubble, but I am currently judging you. Mother Teresa once said, "If you judge people, you have no time to love them." Well, that's fine with me, thank you MT.

Jesus Freak of the Week #1

According to urbandictionary.com, a Jesus Freak is "someone who displays an unusual or embarrasing amount of enthusiasm for Jesus." Our Jesus Freak of the Week will be a picture and/or a story of our favorite for the week.


This individual from Florida has really outdone themselves. "TO JESUS" license plate... ok maybe the owner's name is Jesus (Hey zeus) and the car was a gift. "JESUS IS THE KING" license plate frame... annoying but not out of the ordinary. Jesus bumper sticker... excessive, but we get it, you love this Jesus guy. Jesus bumper stickers on areas of the car other than the bumper... not very aesthetically pleasing at all. Hundreds of figurines covering the car... dumb, just dumb. Blue Clues bobble head... Adorable! Maybe you should take some tips from your friend Blue, grab your handy dandy notebook, sit in your thinking chair and really think about what you've done to your vehicle here. The resale value on this beauty has to be through the roof!

Great quotes from noteworthy people (post 1)

"Of all bad men religious bad men are the worst." -C.S. Lewis


"I do not find in orthodox Christianity one redeeming feature." -Thomas Jefferson


"Man is a Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion—several of them. He is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself and cuts his throat if his theology isn’t straight." -Mark Twain


“Of all religions, Christianity is without a doubt the one that should inspire tolerance most, although, up to now, the Christians have been the most intolerant of all men” - Voltaire


"Religious bondage shackles and debilitates the mind and unfits it for every noble enterprise." -James Madison


"All that my work has shown is that you don't have to say that the way the universe began was the personal whim of God." -Stephen Hawking


"The church says the earth is flat, but I know that it is round, for I have seen the shadow on the moon, and I have more faith in a shadow than in the church."  -Ferdinand Magellan 

First post

Just my space to put funny things I find about religion. Not just one religion, but all religions. Let the hilarity ensue.