So it turns out that religious people are more likely to be fat. I love this. In the article they also say that religious affiliation leads to a lower mortality rate, but hey, we're all dying right? The difference is that religious lovers are fatties. Go eat some more crackers and drink some more jesus blood. Maybe you should cut back on the pot-lucks. Put down the bible, get off your ass and go for a walk.
http://www.latimes.com/health/boostershots/la-heb-religion-weight-20110324,0,1560357.story
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Awesome Movie Quotes
Talladega Nights
Cal Naughton, Jr.: I like to think of Jesus as an Ice Dancer, dressed in an all-white jumpsuit, and doing an interpretive dance of my life.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: I like to think of Jesus as a mischievous badger.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo T-Shirt because it says I want to be formal, but I'm here to party.
Forrest Gump
Lieutenant Daniel Taylor: Have you found Jesus yet, Gump?
Forrest Gump: I didn't know I was supposed to be looking for him, sir.
Lieutenant Daniel Taylor: That's what all these cripples down at the VA talk about: Jesus this and Jesus that, have I found Jesus yet? They even had a priest come and talk to me. He said God is listening and if I found Jesus, I'd get to walk beside him in the kingdom of Heaven. Did you hear what I said? WALK beside him in the kingdom of Heaven! Well kiss my crippled ass. God is listening? What a crock of shit.
Step Brothers
Dale Doback: You have the voice of an angel. Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.
Pineapple Express
Saul: Smell it. SMELL it! Enjoy. It's like... God's vagina!
Anchorman
Brian Fantana: Ron, I know it sounds harsh, but God does not want her to live.
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Darald: You have Christ between your thighs... only with a shorter beard.
Darald: Let me just say that if God was a city planner he would not put a playground next to a sewage system!
Darald: God put our mouths on our head for a reason. No!
Superbad
Evan: I heard she got breast reduction surgery.
Seth: What? That's like slapping God across the face for giving you a beautiful gift.
Evan: She had back problems, man.
Little Nicky
Deacon: The Lord loves you, and the Lord loves you.
[to Nicky]
Deacon: You make the Lord very nervous.
Christa: God's so smart.
Jenna: Yeah, like Jeopardy smart.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: I like to think of Jesus as an Ice Dancer, dressed in an all-white jumpsuit, and doing an interpretive dance of my life.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: I like to think of Jesus as a mischievous badger.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo T-Shirt because it says I want to be formal, but I'm here to party.
Forrest Gump
Lieutenant Daniel Taylor: Have you found Jesus yet, Gump?
Forrest Gump: I didn't know I was supposed to be looking for him, sir.
Lieutenant Daniel Taylor: That's what all these cripples down at the VA talk about: Jesus this and Jesus that, have I found Jesus yet? They even had a priest come and talk to me. He said God is listening and if I found Jesus, I'd get to walk beside him in the kingdom of Heaven. Did you hear what I said? WALK beside him in the kingdom of Heaven! Well kiss my crippled ass. God is listening? What a crock of shit.
Step Brothers
Dale Doback: You have the voice of an angel. Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.
Pineapple Express
Saul: Smell it. SMELL it! Enjoy. It's like... God's vagina!
Anchorman
Brian Fantana: Ron, I know it sounds harsh, but God does not want her to live.
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Darald: You have Christ between your thighs... only with a shorter beard.
Darald: Let me just say that if God was a city planner he would not put a playground next to a sewage system!
Darald: God put our mouths on our head for a reason. No!
Superbad
Evan: I heard she got breast reduction surgery.
Seth: What? That's like slapping God across the face for giving you a beautiful gift.
Evan: She had back problems, man.
Little Nicky
Deacon: The Lord loves you, and the Lord loves you.
[to Nicky]
Deacon: You make the Lord very nervous.
Christa: God's so smart.
Jenna: Yeah, like Jeopardy smart.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Texts From Last Night: Religious Issue #2
(847): Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
(603): Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
(503): the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
(916): Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
(212): You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
(475): Yeah?
(212): Stuck it in his pooper.
FML: Religious Issue #2
Today, my mom banned me from watching The Simpsons and Family Guy because apparently, they're part of "the Devil's plan to corrupt God's children". FML
Today, I found out that if you fall asleep in church, people will think you're having a spiritual moment, and you'll wake up to ten people praying for you. FML
Today, I told my parents I no longer believe in the religion they strictly raised me under. They responded by kicking me out of the house. I'm broke, jobless and the only person that will take me in is my psycho ex-girlfriend who never got over me. FMLL
Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box: "love mom." FML
Today, I found out that if you fall asleep in church, people will think you're having a spiritual moment, and you'll wake up to ten people praying for you. FML
Today, I told my parents I no longer believe in the religion they strictly raised me under. They responded by kicking me out of the house. I'm broke, jobless and the only person that will take me in is my psycho ex-girlfriend who never got over me. FMLL
Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box: "love mom." FML
Monday, March 7, 2011
Crazy Christian Facebook Status #4
Jesus Love:
With rampant degradation and twisted thought in today's world, it's hard for people to convince others to follow His word. It's a challenge I accept.
Haha shut up. People have a hard time believing because it's like believing that Michael Jackson never had any plastic surgeries. It's pretty hard when you have so much evidence right in front of you. Go have some more Jesus Juice...
With rampant degradation and twisted thought in today's world, it's hard for people to convince others to follow His word. It's a challenge I accept.
Haha shut up. People have a hard time believing because it's like believing that Michael Jackson never had any plastic surgeries. It's pretty hard when you have so much evidence right in front of you. Go have some more Jesus Juice...
Friday, March 4, 2011
Crazy Christian Facebook Status #3
Jesus Love:
So if one is a believer of God, then they must believe in evil entities as well, right? So calling me crazy when having an episode with one, is 1. Hypocritcal and 2. In fact crazy itself. if I'm crazy, then I guess my whole family is too. God knows the I'm speaking truth, so that's all that matters.
I'm pretty sure this crazy asshole is still talking about the stupid stain on his towel... shut the fuck up already
So if one is a believer of God, then they must believe in evil entities as well, right? So calling me crazy when having an episode with one, is 1. Hypocritcal and 2. In fact crazy itself. if I'm crazy, then I guess my whole family is too. God knows the I'm speaking truth, so that's all that matters.
I'm pretty sure this crazy asshole is still talking about the stupid stain on his towel... shut the fuck up already
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