Texts From Last Night: Religious Issue #5

(410): I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.

(312): Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.

(304): Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying

(304): She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments

(847): Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.

Texts From Last Night: Religious Issue #4

(706): Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.

I think Jesus really did say that...

Texts From Last Night: Religious Issue #3

(570): he quoted the bible to break up with me

(702): So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.

(203): I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me

(904): i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school

(760): Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that

(803): A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as i thought it would be. Thank you san francisco. 

Texts From Last Night: Religious Issue

Just a few little gems found on TFLN

(215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

(513): You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.

(709): so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?

(224): Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.

(760): Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that

(904): i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school

(831): theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it

(970): Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty

(720): haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"

(845): First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...