Jesus Freak of the Week #5

Jesus loves you so stop going to the beach wearing your little bathing suits and having fun. Jimbo and Phyllis here hate it when people show skin and have fun, but wanted to leave a little reminder to everyone that jesus will still love them. I mean look at this lady, she's wearing jeans, a long sleeve shirt and shoes to the beach. Then you look at the guy and he has jean shorts, a cut off shirt and sneakers? Who sticks out? The funniest thing to me is that it looks like these two "all-knowing" jesus lovers don't know how to get this cross into the sand. Do you think god is going to float down and push it into the sand with his giant pinky finger?

Best way to get sand kicked in your face: Bring a giant cross to the beach and tell everyone they are sinners.

Jesus Freak of the Week #4

May 21st, 2011 is the day? If you go to their site they talk about how everyone from scientists to politicians are talking about the end being near. They talk about earthquakes, tsunamis, nuclear weapons, the mayan calendar and all that jazz (all of which have been around for a very long time and are not new developments). How is this "RETURN OF CHRIST" going to work? The girl in the picture looks pretty damn happy. I picture the clouds opening up, a little bearded man in a toga floating down and saying things like "George, you're a dick, knock it off" or "Stacy, stop being such a whore." Whether this happens or the earth will come to an end you'd think we should have some kind of large scale countdown in every major city. May 21st is only a few months away and we should be preparing!

I would really like to know how this sweet custom paint job has affected the value of this vehicle. Also, when May 22nd comes along and everyone is off doing their thing this broad is going to feel dumb and no car dealership is going to take that trade-in. Bitch, if this god guy loved you then you'd have great vision and you wouldn't have to wear glasses, plus you wouldn't be wearing those stupid fucking wrist brace things. See you on May 22nd!