Me, My Girlfriend, and the Mormon Missionaries (part 3)

So last night my girlfriend and I were having a fantastic Nip/Tuck marathon. It's about 7:48pm and my girlfriend notices some movement in the front yard. She says "shit... mormons!" and runs to the kitchen. One of them sees me through the curtains, smiles and nods... fuck you mormon. I don't get up. They knock. They know I'm here, I can't hide and there's no way they'll leave. So I take my time getting up and eventually I open the door to their huge hopeful smiles. These two guys have been traveling together for a long time. Just them, the two of them, just two guys, two guys doing mormon things. I know what they want. My girlfriend is a very attractive young woman. I get it guys, you just want to chat her up. Well not tonight Captain Joseph and Commander Smith. I tell them that she is away visiting family and they leave. I think next time I will tell them that she moved to Salt Lake City to become a mormon and see if they believe me.

Me, My Girlfriend, and the Mormon Missionaries (part 2)

So picture this. It's about 7pm, dark outside, pouring rain and there's a knock at the door. I open the door and there are two young men drenched with rain water, wearing ponchos and huge smiles. From under the black ponchos I can see the white collared shirt and black tie peeking out. My first thought; It's dark and raining, a black poncho is very dangerous, they should really be wearing some kind of neon or reflective material. The next thing to cross my mind; what the hell do the mormons want now? One of them says "Hello, is (my girlfriend's name) here?" Yes she was there, but I come up with a story about how we just got home and are getting ready to go out, so I will have to go check to see if she can come to the door. I ask her if she wants to talk to our door-to-door religious salesmen tonight and she says no. So I return to the door and explain to the young men that my girlfriend can't come hang out with them on the porch right now. They say "That's fine, we can come back another day, we just wanted to stop by and say hi and see how she's doing" the whole time with this huge Book of Mormon eating grin on his face. The mormon missionaries are in love with my girlfriend and I'm not sure how I feel about that.